The day was beautiful, it was moving, it was mine. I was such a nerd doing this, but I kept my camera running throughout the entire procession. I’m glad I did because I’ll be able to relive that moment forever. Excuse the poor editing and the way the video ends. I majored in American Studies, not film!
For your viewing pleasure (if the embedded video doesn’t show, here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPh9BMq3MYg)…
The ceremony was perfect and featured some incredible speeches. There wasn’t one in particular that stood out, but the collective experience of listening to these women articulate themselves left everyone inspired. It’s hard to describe what I was thinking and feeling throughout the ceremony, but it was a mixture of bittersweet sadness and accomplishment.
I entered Barnard’s gates in Fall 2004 thinking I had a firm grasp on who I was and what I wanted in life. I was naive, slightly sheltered, and determined that my college days would be as happy as the high school ones I left behind. In the past three years, I was pushed and pulled in every direction possible, challenged both intellectually and emotionally. The things I’ve seen, learned, and experienced have been an undeniable influence in the formation of my identity. I may not necessarily know what I want to do in life yet, but ask me who I am and I’ll tell you.
I can officially say I am a proud member of the Barnard Class of 2007, a group of women who are strong, beautiful, intelligent, and ready to take on the world. Speaking on behalf of the class, we are filled with the spirit of our school, an institution that has remained committed to women and their potential for more than a century. We are the product of our parents, the people who make days like today possible, the people who have so generously given us the gift of a Barnard education.
In three years, Barnard has taught me so much. I’ve learned to listen with patience and compassion as much as I’ve learned to debate with confidence and reason. When reading texts, I’ve been told to excavate and explore the written word, to question and analyze everything, and most of all, understand that there never is a right way to do anything in life. Because of Barnard, I’m more aware of the injustices that exist in this world, the potential there is to change them, and the knowledge that there are people like my peers who are up for the challenge. On a more personal level, Barnard has taught me how to take care of myself, to embrace who I am, and to feel from head to toe. I’ve never cried and laughed more in my entire life than I have the past three years. It was a time to explore my identity, a time for learning, friendship, and change. There were definitely some low points, but as I’ve learned, when you’re down, there’s no place to go but up. And that’s what all of this is – growing up – and what better place for that to happen than Barnard.
All in all, graduation day was a celebration of my college, my class, my past, my place in this world, me. It marked the end of a chapter in my life and one that I’m just about to begin. It’s true that college is the most selfish endeavor because it’s all all about you the entire time. Me, me, me. The past three years have been exactly that. Well now’s it’s time to shift gears. Barnard has equipped me with the proper tools and it’s my responsibility to go out into the world and use them. It’s time for me to give back the wonderful, pricless gift I’ve been given.
I can’t thank everyone who’s been a part of this whole experience enough, parents, administrators, professors, friends, and peers. I can say “I did it!” but I most certainly didn’t do it on my own. Today is just as much yours as it is mine, which is why I share it with you.
Here’s to the past three years, moments I’ll always remember, an experience I’ll never forget. This is just the beginning.
Filed under: Graduation
This is my second to last entry on this blog. You’d think I’d have more to say, but I don’t. Everything I’m feeling is already captured in the entries leading up to tomorrow. In some ways, forty days felt like an eternity, but looking back, it all came too soon.
It’s finally here.
Graduation day.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I love my mom so much and aspire to be like her in every way possible. She’s amazing.
I’m waiting for the day when she’ll write her autobiography and wow the world with her words. She’s the epitome of what every classic heroine should be – strong, smart, passionate, bold and adventurous. She’s also the epitome of what every mom should be – loving, selfless, kind, and compassionate.
I could never properly describe just how incredible she is, but to me, she’s the most beautiful person in this world.
Filed under: Uncategorized
In the 24 hours that I’ve been home, my mom has asked me what I want to eat a total of 4 times and she’s enforced her proper “before you go to bed” routine (take a shower, brush your teeth, floss, wash your face, brush your hair, drink a glass of water). I can’t remember the last time I was taken care of like this. I’m well rested, I’m well fed, and I’m forgetting the past week happened.
I haven’t quite processed the reality of moving back home yet, but for now, I’m soaking in every moment.
Before the website, I always called my room myspace. It was the only place I had to keep things that belonged to me. Growing up, I slept in the attic, two floors above civilzation. No mom, no dad, no little brother, just me blasting cheesy 90’s pop music from my dad’s old speakers, singing as loudly as I wanted to, and dancing a la Britney in front of a full length mirror.
In college, myspace became important. It was no longer about having a place to unleash my inner pop star, it was about having a place to exist. It was a place to sleep, study, rest, relax. It was a place to shut out school, or sometimes fully immerse myself in it. There were times I saw my room as an escape, and other times it felt like a prison. Either way, it was a space that I coveted. It was my home away from home. \When you add up all the semesters and summers, I slept in a total of six different dorms in the past three years. Not once did I move my stuff back home. All of it was simply transferred from place to place and with each move, it became more evident that I didn’t need about 75% of what I brought to school with me.
Sorting through the clutter today was a bittersweet process. I relived my entire college career in those moments via graded papers, notebooks, and mementos I saved from each year at school. I cleaned out the hell that was the past 2 weeks and finally made the bed I barely slept in only to strip its sheets one last time. I found the library book I’m being fined for (think along the lines of the GNP of a very small third world country) and unplugged my TV and cable box. I stuffed three garbage bags full of clothes and decided that if I could go back to freshman year, I’d tell myself that 20 pairs of shoes at school is excessive and unnecessary.
I cried a little today because of what I was leaving behind. I cried for the papers I threw away and the books I no longer have use for. I cried for the lifestyle I can no longer call my own, the lifestyle I no longer want. I cried when I saw the new bed my parents bought for me and the clean sheets my mother had waiting. Myspace is sitting in boxes and garbage bags at the foot of the stairs, waiting for me to unpack. It’s never felt this good to be home.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Dear Alexa,
Why are you so upset? Just because you’re stuck taking one more class this summer doesn’t mean you’ve failed at life. You’re so hard on yourself all the time. You burnt out and crashed big time your senior year. So what? There was a lot of your plate (as usual) and you had some things you had to work out. Other people might have quit and walked away from this. You didn’t. You fought with every fibre of your being until the end and for the most part, made the best of the little you had left to give.
Two weeks ago you were in a position to tank every single one of your classes. You spent every day crying, feeling sorry for yourself, and playing that silly “If only I did ___ then it wouldn’t be like this” game. Enough of that. You had the humility to say you needed help, you talked to the people you needed to talk to, and you gave one last push to do everything you could to make it better.
American Lit. Anthropology. Developmental Psych. Lab. THESIS. You conquered them all this semester. You worked, you sang, you edited, you loved. This is a lot for anyone to take on so the fact that you fell short on one class – one minor elective that means nothing in the end – is not the end of the world.
There’s a lot to be proud of here. Your parents are proud of you. They tell you that every day. Somehow you always find yourself thinking that you’ll disappoint them, that you let them down in your own Alexa way. You tell yourself, “I should have finished. I should have ended things the right way.” Listen to yourself. You’re complaining that you’re not done, that you have five more weeks to go, that you didn’t finish on time. Don’t forget that “on time” by your standards means an entire year early. Give yourself a break.
Stop thinking about this. Don’t cry. Don’t feel bad. Grab that box of tissues if you can find it. Your room looks like shit right now by the way. So does your face. Take a shower, get dressed, file for that damn withdrawal and get the fuck outta there. You need home. You need family. You need homecooked meals. You need to not worry so much.
Everything happens for a reason and years down the road you’ll look back at this and understand why. Until then, take this as a learning experience. Process it. Digest it. Just let go. Things will work out for you…they always do.
-Alexa, your better half.
Filed under: Uncategorized
We always said it would be over when it wasn’t fun any more. We said we’d keep going until it got too hard…until we had nothing left to talk about. For reasons beyond our control, our “conversation that can never be finished”, is being hushed and here I am, finally running out of words.
“Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me? Things are gonna happen naturally. Taking your advice, I’m looking on the bright side and balancing the whole thing. But often time those words get tangled up in the lines and the bright light turns to night. Until the dawn it brings another day to sing about the magic that was you and me. You and I both loved what you and I spoke of and others just dream of, others only dream of, the love that I love.”
Filed under: School
The days are dwindling down and so is the amount of time I have to get all my work done. I don’t want to do it, but this is the last time I will ever be tortured like this. Because of the lack of time, I’m just gonna be lazy and repost a list found via digg and bold the ones that I think apply most to my college days.
You Know You’re In College When:
1. High school started before 8am, but now anything before noon is considered “early”.
2. You have more beer than food in your fridge.
3. Weekends start on Thursday.
4. 6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up.
5. You know many different ways to cook ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese.
6. The health center gives out free condoms, and people take them… just in case.
7. Instead of falling asleep in class, you stay in bed. (It’s about $200 a class here at Columba. Most expensive naps EVER)
8. You know how late McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Qdoba, etc. are open.
9. You think it’s the weekend on a Wednesday and you don’t know what month it is.
10. You can’t remember the last time you washed your car.
11. Your underwear/sock supply dictates your laundry schedule.
12. You check Facebook/Myspace more than once a day.
13. You get drunk dialed on any night of the week.
14. You wash dishes in the bathroom sink.
15. You’ve fallen off a loft bed.
16. You talk about beer pong like it’s a sport.
17. Finding random people in your house is perfectly normal, and you even sympathize with them… sometimes when you wake up you have no idea where you are.
*18. Your primary news sources are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.
19. You open a beer at 10 am and your roommate asks you if there’s more.
20. The standard of meals per day falls to two, sometimes just one.
21. Your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t.
22. You go to Target or Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week.
23. You wear the same jeans for 13 days without washing them.
24. Your breakfast consists of a coke or cereal bar on the way to class… anything with caffeine will do.
25. Quarters are like gold.
26. Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some ramen noodles.
27. You live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
28. You try to study but seem to procrastinate by eating, going to study breaks, talking to people, etc…
29. You talk to your roommate on instant messenger when you’re both home. (We text each other too)
30. You ask people what YOU did last night.
31. Certain things are now deemed “Facebook worthy.” When friends take pictures of you, you wonder how long it will take them to post them.
32. You’ve seen a hit and run involving a bicyclist/pedestrian.
33. You see people you know you’ve met but can never remember their names or how you know them.
34. You sleep more in class than in your room
35. Your idea of a square meal is a box of Pop-Tarts.
36. You’ve traveled with bags of dirty clothes.
37. You go home to do your laundry because you’re too poor to pay the $2… or too lazy to go to a change machine.
38. You pay $100 for a book you don’t read once, return it four months later, and get $7.
39. More than 20% of your household furnishings are made from milk crates.
40. You recognize the meat in the dorm soup as yesterday’s meatloaf, and thus decide to eat a nice bowl of cereal – a safe bet for any meal.
41. You use words like “thus” (see #40).
42. You throw out bowls and plates because you don’t feel like washing them.
43. Your beer pong table is nicer than all your other tables.
44. It takes preparation… and 3 people… to take out your garbage.
45. Going to the library is a social event.
46. You wear flip flops in the shower your freshman year… you know why.
47. You start joining clubs because of the free food.
48. Visits home depend on how much money you have for gas.
49. You skip one class to write a paper for another.
50. You have no idea where your tuition money is going… technology fees? I think not.
51. Bicycles don’t seem as lame as they did in high school.
52. You stay up late to finish homework then sleep through the class in which it was due. (I can’t count the number of times I’ve done this. Worst feeling ever)
53. Girls: You’ve balanced your foot on a shampoo bottle to shave.
54. Your backpack is giving you scoliosis.
55. You’ve written a check for 45 cents or stopped to get $2.00 of gas.
56. Your bill in the bookstore will be comparable to tuition.
57. Going to the mailbox becomes an ego booster/breaker.
58. Most of your T.A.’s are foreign…what’s the deal?
59. You never realized so many people are smarter than you.
60. You never realized so many people are dumber than you.
61. Western Europe could be wiped out by a terrible plague and you’d never know, but you can recite the last episode of your favorite show verbatim.
62. Care packages rank right up there with birthdays.
63. You craft ways to make any game into a drinking/stripping game.
64. You meet the type of people you thought only existed in movies.
65. Printers break down only when you desperately need them.
66. Anything can be cooked in a microwave.
67. Two words: bike cops.
68. You have Safe Ride programmed into your phone.
69. Old school Nintendo… and guitar hero… are pretty much the best things ever.
70. Going to the grocery at midnight is completely normal.
71. You call restaurants that deliver more than you call your own family.
72. You’ve paid bills over $5… in coins.
73. You can’t imagine life without your computer/cell phone/ i-pod.
74. Hoodies and sweatpants become the norm – jeans are considered “dressy” at certain occasions… like school.
75. A canceled class is almost as exciting as Christmas.
76. Taking a nap in the library is perfectly acceptable.
77. Your professors speak English… as a second language.
78. Your teacher swear in class and no one cares.
79. Candles in your dorm room are considered contraband, but cigarettes are ok.
80. You take condiment packets and napkins from fast food restaurants – hey, they’re free.
81. Betta fish are like your family.
82. You bring back socks from the laundry room that may or may not be yours.
83. You know what people carrying suspiciously heavy backpacks after dark are doing…
84. The elevators take forever but you’ll wait 10 minutes just so you don’t have to climb stairs.
85. Your roommate asks you to check the weather on your computer when they’re standing 5 feet away from the door.
86. Showers become more of an issue.
87. You press the automatic door opener instead of simply grabbing the handle when you approach a door.
88. Christmas lights seem to be acceptable all year round.
89. Class size doubles on exam days.
90. You donate plasma even though you know it’s pretty sketchy.
91. You are no longer thankful that fire alarms are here to protect you.
92. You’ve bought Christmas presents from the book store and charged it to your student account so your parents pay for the gifts because you’re too broke.
93. You begin to include ketchup on your list of acceptable vegetables.
94. You stay on campus for hours in between classes when it’s too cold to walk home.
95. People have to help you kick the vending machine just so you can get your 50 cent bag of chips.
96. There’s always a “question kid” in at least one of your classes, and you really wish someone would just tell him/her to shut the hell up.
97. You steal dishes from the cafeteria so you don’t have to wash your own.
98. Laundry is an all-day event.
99. You no longer find it uncool to take naps. In fact, you quite enjoy them.
100. It’s illegal to drink in the dorms yet they sell an assortment of shot glasses, beer mugs, tankards, etc. in the bookstore.
101. You find your list of acceptable napping places expanding daily to increasingly uncomfortable locations.
102. You fill out credit card applications for the free food.
103. You’ve eaten cereal out of a cup… with a fork.
104. Dressing up for Halloween becomes cool again.
105. You know at least one person who has dropped his/her cell phone into a toilet.
106. You hang multiple shirts on the same hanger to save space/money.
107. You become increasingly annoyed with the “old” people in class – props to them for going back to college but they generally ask really, really annoying questions.
108. You admire people’s alcohol bottle shrines.
109. You set your clock 5-10 minutes ahead so you can potentially make it to class on time. The key word here is *potential*
110. You check ratemyprofessor.com (or something of the like) before choosing your class schedule. CULPA.INFO BABY.
111. You text faster than you type.
112. You only find out a class is cancelled after you get there and sit for about ten minutes.
113. You actually start using coupons, especially those school coupon books.
114. You open canned food and eat it… out of the can.
115. You run out of black ink and, instead of buying a new ink cartridge, decide blue is a nice substitute… adds a little flair.
116. You have numbers in your phone with labels like “Sketchy Steve” and “Alcohol Guy.”
117. The food in your fridge may or may not be older than your little brother.
118. You finish reading this and wonder how you can procrastinate next.
A lot happened today. A LOT. First off, Barack Obama friended me on Twitter. Yes, THE Barack Obama (or most likely, Barack Obama’s peeps).
Now why would would Barack Obama want to be my Twitter Bff4eva? Well…
1. I live in New York City. He needs me to rally my posse to take down Hillary (supposedly she also has a Twitter account now, but no updates yet. I find it interesting that her two friends are Barack Obama and John Edwards).
2. I’m also a young, female, Asian who represents 3 major demographics of voters he needs: the youth vote, women, and minorities.
3. He went to Columbia as an undergradaute. It’s obvious he wants to live vicariously through my Twitter and reminisce about his former college days via the few I have left (haha).
Check it out yo (click on photo for larger view):
This is the light, fluffy side of online politics that I witnessed today. The other side, the dark, messed up, “Is this really happening?” half came in the form of a Facebook message from none other than my former high school principal. Yes, my high school principal. Here’s what went down.
A few weeks back, I was bombarded with a slew of facebook invites to be part of this group, “___ is a PSYCHO. (insert principal’s name in space)” Maybe I was tired from the lack of sleep and wasn’t paying attention, maybe a little alien came through my window and convinced me to hit “Accept.” Maybe I just did what I always do and mass accepted all the invites I had that day. Either way, I joined and it came back to bite me in the ass.
At 3:32 PM EST, I paused from my Anthropology readings to look at an email notification in my Inbox. Apparantly I had a new message on facebook (click the box to read it)…
My principal was right in saying that she was always nice to me. She was. In all fairness to her, I see where she’s coming from. To see someone you respected and treated kindly, affiliated with a slanderous, immature Facebook group is a slap in the face. As for cruel, that’s a different story.
Like I said, I dont take pride in the facebook groups I join. This is evident based on the fact that I just looked at my groups and I saw,”I want baron davis and his sexy beard too” and “Blacks in the ivy league.” First off, who is Baron Davis? Second, I don’t support affirmative action. I would be more inclined to say I was cruel if I created the Facebook group myself, invited others to join, or even worse, agreed with the group’s message. None of that is the case here. As stated earlier, I joined without thinking and in retrospect, it was a bad idea.
Ironically, this all relates to the anthropology final that I took today. I was asked to discuss the reflexivity of virtual and real communities, and the relationship between online and offline relationships. I’m writing from a personal POV in this post, but there’s really a lot to think about here in terms of the bigger picture. Politicians are using Web 2.0 to campaign, administrators are using Facebook to seek out students, and I just had an intense fight with my boyfriend via gchat instead of yelling at him on the phone or in person. This is the world we live in. This is my life. The question is, how are we using technology to shape and substitute our interactions with others? When it comes to online politics and the politics of dating online, is there a winner or is everyone eventually going to lose out?
Ha, I am so the next Carrie Bradshaw. I am also the poster child for Insomniacs Anonymous.
Happy Cinco de Mayo!
Punctuation is SO important when communicating through the written language. Without it, you have a string of loosely tied words with open ended meanings. In the same vein, actions are SO important when communicating in relationships. Without certain acts and gestures, a relationship just begins to lose meaning all together.
